Have you ever felt like life was a test that you hadn't studied for?  

 

I know that I have - many times over.  There are days that I feel like I have lived over a thousand lives in my short existence on earth.  Whether it was racial reconciliation, infertility, miscarriages, financial stressors, disease, being second chair flute, or the general feeling of just not being "quite" good enough for anything are lemons that tempted me to entrap myself in a cloak of bitterness.   (I learned that bitterness can morph itself a thousand different ways.  More on that later!) 

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The bitterness was a fleeting temptation.  It was an easy covering to the hurt and disappointment that etched itself into my soul.  It allowed me to keep prying eyes unaware of my brokenness, and it gave me a sense of control.  The isolation, the nursed wounds, the unresolved whys were a mirage of safety. Left to my own appeals, the bitterness would have certainly destroyed my today and my tomorrow.  

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The decisions we make today determine the stories we tell tomorrow, right?  What stories did I want my children to share? What stories could be told to bring Jesus to the mind of others?  ​Now, I am an ordained minister, credentialed after years of Bible college and ministry experience.  Wasn't it enough to paste the smile and preach from the platform?  Wouldn't that be a sign that I was not weary in the well-doing, even if my heart was shattered and mad at God?

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There is so much of my story that I want to share with you.  Why? Because I fought against the bitterness; I walked through the disappointment. There were so many moments where I felt like I was, indeed, journeying through the valley of the shadow of death (Psalm 23).  Those things happening to me were intended to do harm in me and in those I loved. The death of relationships. The death of hope. The death of belief in humanity. The death of hopelessness.  

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It hurt. It was exhausting. It was painful at the oddest times. The challenges were real, but they were not insurmountable.  Did you know that disappointment does not destroy us? Disease or death does not devastate us. In all circumstances, if we embrace our hurt and confusion, if we turn outward instead of inward, and if we choose to do something -- anything, stand, walk, or even run -- then, we will find joy that does not leave us destitute.

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I'm not cute enough, smart enough, wise enough, funny enough -- definitely not funny enough because I laugh at the wrong parts of a joke every single time -- to figure this out on my own.  It is only because of Jesus, that my broken pieces were designed into a beautiful mosaic that reflected perfect hope in my heart, mind, and soul. It was the gift of God and this hope became the anchor of my soul (Hebrews 6:19). 

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Join us on this journey of resilience and faith, and discover how to turn your lemons into lemonade!